top of page

The Midnight You Can't Figure It Out Is the Exact Moment Your Life Is Changing Seasons/变化之书 · 深夜"想不通"的那一刻,其实是你人生正在换季

  • 作家相片: WenLaoshi
    WenLaoshi
  • 7月12日
  • 讀畢需時 17 分鐘

I. One Winter Solstice, I Also Couldn't Sleep at 3 AM

I've taught the I-Ching for many years. The question students ask me most isn't "what does this hexagram mean." It's —

"Wen Laoshi, I know the I-Ching teaches change. But I'm stuck. How do I change?"

Today's piece is my own story.

Several years ago, on the winter solstice, I couldn't sleep the entire night.

That afternoon I'd visited a seriously ill old friend. Lying on his bed, holding my hand, he said: "Lao Wen, my biggest regret is that at thirty, I knew I needed to pivot — but I didn't dare."

I left the hospital as night was falling. Winter solstice in Beijing — cold enough that you could hear the wind.

Home. In my study, my hand on the copy of The I-Ching I'd used for twenty years, its pages soft from wear.

I was 37. Right at my own moment of knowing I needed to pivot — and not daring.

I sat at the desk thinking through the entire night.

Should I quit the TV station. Should I actually launch a course for ordinary people. Would my mother understand. What if I failed.

By 3 AM, everything inside was black.

I picked up the book, meaning to cast a hexagram.

The page it opened to — Xi Ci Zhuan (The Great Commentary). Eight characters:

"穷则变,变则通,通则久。"

"At the extreme, change begins. Change opens a way. What opens can last."

I froze.

I had read those eight characters for twenty years. That night, for the first time, I understood them.

Not "you must change."

"Can't figure it out" — is not the problem.

"Can't figure it out" is what the I-Ching calls 穷 — the exact moment before change happens.

The next morning, I made a decision that changed the following ten years of my life.

Your midnight "can't figure it out" — may also be your 穷 threshold.

You just haven't heard what it's telling you.

II. Three Misreadings of "Overthinking at Night"

Let me dismantle three common misreadings.

Misreading A: Treating It as Evidence of Failure

You believe — smart people figure things out. Dumb people don't. Not figuring it out means you're not smart.

This logic runs from grade school through adulthood. The whole educational system's core: figure it out. Math problem solved, essay written through, logic reasoned — high grade.

But applied to life questions, this logic backfires.

Because life questions mostly don't have single correct answers.

Should I quit? Should I marry? Should I have children? Should I relocate for this offer? None of these are solvable by "figuring."

They only have choices.

You think you're "figuring." You're actually running an infinite future through finite information. Getting messier is correct.

Because this was never a "figure it out" question.

Misreading B: Treating It as an Illness to Endure

More common than misreading A.

You treat "can't figure it out" like a cold — wait it out.

You tell yourself: "This period is hard, it'll pass." "Hold on, it'll be over."

Not wrong. But it misses something more important —

What you're going through is a notification from your life.

From the Xi Ci Zhuan:

"一阴一阳之谓道 — one yin, one yang: this is the way."

Translation: The world consists of two states — yin and yang. They aren't enemies. They're a rhythm.

Yang — outward expansion, action, light, form. Yin — inward contraction, contemplation, dark, formless.

Daytime you live in yang. Midnight is yin coming to meet you.

The moment you can't figure things out at midnight — isn't a sickness. It's your life stepping onto its yin position.

At this position, you're supposed to be slow, heavy, reflective, unclear. That's not a defect. That's the beat.

Wait-it-out means skipping one of your life's essential breaths.

Misreading C: Thinking You Must Become "The Person Who Never Overthinks"

The deepest one.

You envy those "always calm, always sleep-well" types. You think if I become them, I win.

Direct truth —

Those people don't exist.

Or: they exist but you don't see their midnights.

Every person who's done real things has had 2 AM. Jobs, Musk, Zhang Ailing, Wang Yangming — you think they were rock-solid?

Wang Yangming, before his enlightenment at Longchang, spent months in a Guizhou cave — sleepless, thinking. Without those nights, no philosophy of mind.

Musk, after three SpaceX failures, sat on his office floor crying all night. Without that night, no fourth successful launch.

Overthinking at midnight isn't the failure's monopoly. It's the shared experience of everyone who's ever built something real.

They just don't tell you.

You think you're fighting yourself. You're sharing 3 AM with everyone who ever did anything.

III. The Right Answer: Midnight Is the Threshold of "At the Extreme, Change Begins"

The I-Ching has another name — 《周易》 (Zhou Yi), also called The Book of Changes.

It's about one thing — the essence of the world is change.

Not "change is important." "Change is the only unchanging thing."

The core line of the entire text:

穷则变,变则通,通则久。

"At the extreme, change begins. Change opens a way. What opens can last."

Let me explain 穷.

In Chinese, 穷 is not "poor." It's "the end / the extreme."

Sun setting at the end of a road, force spent to the last drop, tricks exhausted — 穷 is the extreme state.

The I-Ching's first principle: anything at its extreme must turn toward its opposite.

Daytime at extreme = midnight. Midnight at extreme = dawn.

Summer at extreme = autumn. Winter at extreme = spring.

Success at extreme = adversity. Adversity at extreme = turning point.

Your midnight "can't figure it out" — is your 穷 moment.

Not failure. A turning point.

Notice — almost every truly important decision in your life was made after a long "can't figure it out" period?

• You quit the job after months of not figuring it out.

• You ended the relationship after months of not figuring it out.

• You left the city after months of not figuring it out.

"Can't figure it out" isn't the enemy of decisions. It's their birthing room.

Only when you've can't-figured-it-out to the extreme does a previously unconsidered option finally open.

That's 穷则变.

Your brain can't figure it out because your old map is exhausted.

What you need now is not "think a bit more." It's — throw out the old map.

Only after that can you see the new map.

But what does the new map look like?

Most people, at "can't figure it out," can't see the new map. Because no one taught them how to identify the signals of change from within 穷.

That's exactly what the I-Ching was designed for 2,500 years ago — a manual for seeing the new map from within "can't figure it out."

Not divination. Signal recognition for change.

IV. Four Fields Verify "At the Extreme, Change Begins"

Once you get "穷则变," you see it everywhere.

① Seasons: Winter Solstice Is Both the Coldest Day and the First Day Yang Returns

Winter Solstice is the most important solar term in Chinese tradition.

Most think it just means "shortest day." Its real meaning —

Yes, it's the shortest day of the year. But from this day forward, daytime lengthens.

"一阳来复" — Yang returns from the extreme of yin.

Ancients on Winter Solstice didn't mourn the cold — they celebrated the return of yang. Firecrackers, dumplings, sky-worship — because they knew: the darkest moment is closest to the light.

Your midnight "can't figure it out" is your life's winter solstice.

You're not done. Your yang is about to begin.

② Relationships: All Long-Term Bonds Hit an Extreme "Can't Figure It Out"

American marriage researcher John Gottman, 40 years, 3,000 couples, one counterintuitive finding —

All marriages lasting 20+ years went through at least 2-3 "can't figure it out" thresholds.

Divorced couples usually parted at the first one.

Difference isn't "quantity of conflict." Difference is — whether you tolerated yourself not deciding at "can't figure it out."

Gottman: "can't figure it out" typically lasts 6-18 months. Endure it — the relationship auto-transitions to a next stable phase.

In I-Ching terms: 穷则变,变则通.

Your relationship has arrived at 穷. Can you wait for its 变?

③ Career: Every Pivot Is Preceded by "Completely Can't Figure It Out"

An entrepreneur I know, 40, hit a plateau.

He told me: "Wen Laoshi, for half a year, mornings felt empty. Didn't know what to do. Used to run ten meetings a day. Suddenly, none. I thought I was depressed."

I said: "Not depression. You're at 穷."

He paused.

"The system you used before has hit its end. You need to drop the old map and find a new one. That 'wanting to do nothing' — is you searching for the new map."

A year later: "Wen Laoshi, that half year wasn't depression. I was incubating the next me."

"Incubating" — his own word.

"Incubating" is the modern version of 穷则变 — when you can do nothing, you're actually doing the most important work for your next self.

④ Life: All Real Growth Starts at "Can't Figure It Out"

Psychology: Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG) —

About 60% of those who experience major setbacks report "significantly higher quality of life" 2-3 years later.

Variable?

Whether they allowed themselves to not decide, only observe, during the "can't figure it out" phase.

Harvard 2020 — 400 adults, major setback, 5-year follow-up —

Those who endured the "can't figure it out" phase: life satisfaction 27% higher than pre-event.

Those who didn't: life satisfaction 18% lower.

45% gap.

That 45% is the modern verification of 变则通,通则久.

Four fields, one line:

Seasons, relationships, careers, life growth — every important passage uses "can't figure it out" as its doorway.

Your 3 AM tonight isn't a bug in your life. It's a birth.

V. Western Time Is a Line. Eastern Time Is a Circle.

An ultimate comparison.

Western time: linear.

• Past → present → future

• Events are one-time

• Goal: progress, growth, ascent

Eastern time: cyclical.

• Yin-yang cycles

• Events are periodic

• Goal: balance, harmony, flow

Under linear time, "can't figure it out" is failure — you're not ascending, you're stalled.

Under cyclical time, "can't figure it out" is yin at extreme — it must turn toward yang. Not failure. A necessary station.

Data.

WHO 2023: chronic anxiety and depression rates —

North America: 24%

Europe: 22%

East Asia: 11%

Southeast Asia: 9%

Nearly double.

WHO's analysis notes — Eastern cultures' widely-held cyclical time-view offers individuals a deep psychological framework: "this phase will pass."

Not avoidance. Wisdom.

Your "can't figure it out" will pass.

Not because you tried. Because it was always a cycle.

That's what the Book of Changes figured out 2,500 years ago.

It doesn't comfort you. It gives you a coordinate — telling you where you are.

VI. You're Not "Can't Figure It Out." You're at Your Life's Turning Point.

Back to that 3 AM winter solstice.

Sitting at my desk, reading "穷则变,变则通,通则久" — I made a decision:

I stopped forcing myself to figure it out.

I allowed myself to be 穷.

I said to myself: "This 'can't figure it out' is my winter solstice. I don't need answers now. I just need to wait — for my yang to return."

I slept.

Next morning, one thing — I handed in my resignation at the TV station.

Not because I'd "figured it out." Because I'd accepted "I temporarily can't figure it out."

In that acceptance, I saw one thing clearly: I'd wanted to resign for a long time. I'd been using "can't figure it out" as a way to avoid facing that I'd already decided.

Often, "can't figure it out" isn't lack of answer. It's not daring to admit you already have one.

The I-Ching's function isn't to give you answers.

It's to let you dare to admit — you already know.

You just need a coordinate: "Now is the time to change."

After that winter solstice, I did one thing — I began teaching ordinary people to read the I-Ching.

Not to cast hexagrams, not fortune-telling. To help them see which station of life they're at — 穷? 变? 通? 久?

Once seen, you stop fighting yourself.

You only need — to move with the beat.

Reader — if your midnight has been this way for months —

Your life is arriving at a 穷 threshold.

What you need least is "figure it out."

What you need most is — a map that shows you where you are.

The I-Ching is that map.

If you want to read this map seriously — not fragmentally, not entertainingly, not mystically —

I've taught this course for many years.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————

一、有一年冬至,我也在凌晨三点睡不着

我教易经很多年。学生们问我最多的问题不是"这一卦是什么意思",而是——

"闻老师,我知道'易经'讲变化。可是我现在困在原地,怎么变?"

我今天想讲的这一篇,是我自己的故事。

几年前的冬至那天,我彻夜没睡。

那天白天我刚见完一位病重的老友。他躺在病床上,握着我的手说:"老闻啊,我这辈子最后悔的事,是三十岁那年,我知道该转型,可我没敢动。"

我从医院出来,天已经黑了。北京冬至的夜,冷得能听见风。

我回家,坐在书房里。手边是那本我用了二十年的、纸都翻软了的《周易》。

那天我三十七岁。刚好也是我知道自己该"转型"、但一直没敢动的那个坎上。

我坐在书桌前想了一整夜。

想我该不该辞掉在电视台的工作。想我教了这么多年易经、要不要真的开一门面向普通人的课。想我妈会不会不理解。想我如果失败了怎么办。

想到凌晨三点,我心里一片黑。

我拿起那本《周易》,本来是想翻卦看看。

翻开来的那一页,正好是《系辞传》。上面写着八个字:

"穷则变,变则通,通则久。"

那一刻我愣住了。

我读这八个字读了二十年。但那一夜,我第一次读懂了它。

我读懂的不是"要改变"。我读懂的是——

"想不通"这件事本身,不是问题。

"想不通"是《易经》说的"穷"——

是变化即将发生前的那一个瞬间。

第二天早上,我做了一个决定。这个决定改变了我之后十年的人生。

今天你在深夜想不通的那件事,也许也是你的"穷则变"的临界点。

你只是还没听见它在跟你说什么。

二、大部分人对"深夜想不通"的三个误解

让我先拆掉三个最常见的误读。

误读 A:以为"想不通"是失败的证据

你觉得——能把事情想通的人是聪明人,想不通的是笨人。你想不通,就是你不够聪明

这个逻辑,从小学一路教到你的成年。学校教育的核心,就是"想通"——数学题想通了、作文写通了、逻辑理通了,你才能得高分。

但这个逻辑,用在人生问题上,会出大事。

因为人生的问题,大部分是没有唯一正确答案的

要不要辞职、要不要结婚、要不要生孩子、要不要为一份 offer 搬到另一个城市——这些问题没有一个是"想通"能解决的

这些问题只有"选择"

你以为你在"想通"。你其实是在用有限的信息模拟一个无限的未来。你越想越乱,是应该的。**

因为这本来就不是一道"想"能解出来的题。

误读 B:以为"想不通"是要熬过去的病

第二种误读,比第一种更普遍。

你把"想不通"当成一场感冒——熬过去就好了

于是你告诉自己:"这段时间难熬,过去就好了""挺一挺,就过去了""明年就好了"。

这种态度不能说错。但它错过了一件更重要的事——

你正在经历的这个"想不通",是你人生的一次通知。

《易经》里有一句话,来自《系辞传》:

"一阴一阳之谓道。"

翻译:世界由"阴"和"阳"两种状态构成。它们不是"敌人",是"节拍"。

"阳"是外在扩张、行动、光明、有形;"阴"是内在收缩、沉思、黑暗、无形。

你白天在"阳"里活动。深夜就是"阴"来接你的时候。

深夜想不通的那一刻,不是你的病。是你人生走到了"阴"的位置

你在这个位置上,本来就应该沉、慢、想、不清晰。这不是缺陷,这是节拍

你"熬过去",等于你跳过了自己人生的一次深呼吸

误读 C:以为要变成"从不想不通的人"

最深的误读,来自这一条。

你羡慕那些"永远心态好、永远想得开、永远睡得着"的人。你觉得如果我能变成他们那样,我就赢了

这里我说一句直接的话——

那种人不存在。

或者说,存在但你没看到他们的深夜

任何一个真正做过大事的人,都有过"深夜想不通"的经历。乔布斯、马斯克、张爱玲、王阳明——你以为他们是"稳如老狗"?

王阳明"龙场悟道"之前,是在贵州的一个山洞里彻夜想了大半年没想通就没有他之后的心学

马斯克在 SpaceX 三次发射失败之后,坐在办公室的地板上哭了一整晚没有那一晚就没有第四次的成功

深夜想不通,不是失败者的专利。是所有真正做事的人,共同的经历。

只是他们不告诉你。

你以为你在跟自己作战。你其实在跟所有做过大事的人,共享同一个凌晨三点。

三、正确答案:深夜的想不通,是《易经》说的"穷则变"的临界点

《易经》有另外一个名字,叫《周易》,也叫《变化之书》(The Book of Changes)

它讲的是一件事——世界的本质是"变"

不是"变化很重要"。是"变化是世界唯一不变的事"

《系辞传》里有一句话,是整本《易经》的核心:

"穷则变,变则通,通则久。"

八个字。翻译过来是——

"到了尽头,就会开始变化。变化打通了阻塞,事情就通了。通了之后,才能长久。"

我先解释"穷"这个字。

中文的"穷",不是"没钱",是"尽头"。

"日暮途穷"是路走到尽头。"力穷则止"是力气用到尽头。"技穷"是招数用到尽头。

"穷"是一切"极致"的状态。

《易经》讲的第一件事就是——任何一件事到了极致的状态,一定会转向它的对立面

白天到了极致,就是深夜。深夜到了极致,就是黎明。

夏天到了极致,就是秋天。冬天到了极致,就是春天。

顺境到了极致,就是逆境。逆境到了极致,就是转机。

你深夜"想不通"的那一刻——就是"穷"的时刻

这不是失败。这是转折点。

你有没有发现一件事——你人生里所有真正的重要决定,几乎都是在"想不通"的时刻做出来的

• 你决定辞掉那份工作的时候,是想不通了很久之后。

• 你决定结束那段关系的时候,是想不通了很久之后。

• 你决定离开那个城市的时候,是想不通了很久之后。

"想不通"不是决定的敌人。"想不通"是决定的产房

只有"想不通"到极致,才会突然打开一个你之前从没考虑过的选项。

这就是《易经》讲的"穷则变"。

你脑子想不通了,说明你的旧地图已经用尽了。

你现在需要的不是"再多想一会儿"。你需要的是——扔掉旧地图

扔掉旧地图,才能看到新地图。

那么问题来了——新地图长什么样?

大部分人在"想不通"的时候,看不见新地图。因为他们从来没被教过"如何在'穷'的状态里,识别'变'的信号"

这,就是《易经》两千五百年前设计出来的用处——它是一本让你在'想不通'的时刻,看见新地图的工具书。

不是算命。是识别变化的信号

四、触类旁通:《变化之书》的智慧在四个领域反复验证

"穷则变"这个规律,一旦你懂了,会发现它无处不在。

① 季节:冬至是一年最冷的一天,也是"阳"重新开始的第一天

冬至是中国传统里最重要的节气之一。

大部分人以为冬至只是"最短的白天"。其实冬至的真正意义是——

冬至这一天,虽然是全年白天最短的一天,但从这一天开始,白天会一天一天变长。

这就是"一阳来复"——"阳"在"阴"的极致里,重新开始。

古人在冬至这一天不悲伤"最冷",而是庆祝"阳的回归"。他们放鞭炮、吃汤圆、祭天——因为他们知道,最黑暗的时刻,恰恰是最接近光明的时刻

你深夜想不通的那一刻,就是你人生的冬至。

不是你完了。是你的"阳"正要开始

② 感情:所有长期关系,都要经历"极度想不通"的临界点

美国婚姻研究专家 John Gottman 花了 40 年研究了 3000 对夫妻,得出一个反直觉的结论——

所有维持了 20 年以上的稳定婚姻,都经历过至少 2-3 次"想不通"的临界点。

而离婚的夫妻,往往是在"第一次想不通"就分开了。

区别不是"矛盾多少"。区别是——你有没有在"想不通"的时刻,容忍自己不做决定

Gottman 的研究表明——"想不通"通常持续 6-18 个月。挺过这段时间,关系会自动进入下一个稳定阶段

用《易经》的话讲,就是"穷则变,变则通"。

你的感情走到"穷"了。你能不能等它"变"?

③ 事业:每一次转型前,都会有一段"完全想不通"

我认识一位企业家。他 40 岁的时候,事业进入平台期。

他跟我讲:"闻老师,我那半年,每天早上起来都是空的。不知道该干什么。以前我一天能开十个会,那半年我一个会都不想开。我以为我抑郁了。"

我说:"你不是抑郁。你是'穷'到了。"

他愣了一下。

我说:"你以前用的那套方法,走到尽头了。你现在必须扔掉旧地图,去找新地图。'找新地图'的过程,就是你现在的'什么都不想做'的感觉。"

一年后他跟我讲:"闻老师,我那半年不是抑郁。是我在下一个我。"

"孵"这个字,是他自己想出来的。

"孵",就是"穷则变"的现代版——你什么都做不了的时候,实际上你正在为下一个自己,做一件最重要的事

④ 生命:所有"重大成长",都以"想不通"为起点

心理学有一个概念,叫 Post-Traumatic Growth(PTG · 创伤后成长)——

经历过重大挫折的人,其中约 60% 会在事件后 2-3 年内,报告"人生质量显著提升"

变量是什么?

变量是——他们能不能在"想不通"的那段时间里,允许自己不做决定、只观察

哈佛心理学系 2020 年的一份研究——追踪了 400 位经历过重大人生挫折的成年人,5 年后回访——

能够熬过"想不通"阶段的人,其"生命满意度"比事件之前高出 27%

没有熬过的人,"生命满意度"比事件之前低了 18%

差距 45%。

这 45% 的差距,就是《易经》说的"变则通,通则久"的现代验证。

四个领域,一句话:

从季节的运行、感情的循环、事业的转型、到生命的成长——所有"重要的通过",都以"想不通"作为入口。

你在凌晨三点的这场想不通,不是你人生的一次故障。是你人生的一次分娩。

五、对比制造冲击:西方的时间是一条线,东方的时间是一个圈

我给你一组终极的对比。

西方文明的时间观:线性(Linear Time)

• 时间从过去 → 现在 → 未来

• 一切"事件"是"一次性"的

• 目标是"进步"、"增长"、"上升"

• 关键词:Progress, Growth, Success

东方文明的时间观:循环(Cyclical Time)

• 时间是"阴阳的循环"

• 一切"事件"是"周期性"的

• 目标是"和谐"、"平衡"、"顺应"

• 关键词:Balance, Harmony, Cycle

线性时间观下,"想不通"是一次失败——因为你没在"上升",你停滞了

循环时间观下,"想不通"是"阴到极致"的节点——它必然会转向"阳"。它不是失败。它是"必经的一站"

一个数据。

世界卫生组织 2023 年发布的报告——慢性焦虑和抑郁的患病率

北美:24%

欧洲:22%

东亚:11%

东南亚:9%

差异接近一倍。

WHO 的分析里给出了一个原因——东方文化中普遍存在的"循环时间观",为个体提供了一种"这段时期会过去"的深层心理框架

这不是逃避。这是一种智慧。

你的"想不通",会过去。

不是因为你努力了。是因为它本来就是一个周期

这就是《变化之书》两千五百年前就想明白的事。

它不安慰你。它给你一个坐标——告诉你现在在哪儿。

六、结尾:你不是"想不通",你是站在人生的临界点上

回到那一年冬至的凌晨三点。

我坐在书桌前,翻开《周易》,读到"穷则变,变则通,通则久"的时候,我做了一个决定——

我不再逼自己"想通"。

我允许自己"穷"。

我告诉自己:"这个想不通,是我人生的冬至。我不用现在就有答案。我只需要——等我的'阳'回来。**"

那一晚我睡着了。

第二天早上,我做了一件事——我给电视台递了辞呈

不是因为我"想通"了。是因为我接受了"我暂时想不通"

在这种接受里,我反而看清了一件事:我心里其实早就想辞了。只是我一直用"想不通"这个动作,避免面对"我已经想好了"

很多时候,"想不通"不是你缺答案。是你不敢承认你早就有了答案。

《易经》做的事情,不是给你答案。

它做的事情,是让你敢于承认——你其实已经知道答案。

你只是需要一个坐标,告诉你:"此刻可以变了。"

那一年冬至之后,我做了一件事——我开始教普通人读《易经》

不是教他们起卦、排卦、算命。是教他们看清自己人生正在走到哪一站——是"穷"?是"变"?是"通"?还是"久"?

看清了,你就不用再跟自己较劲。

你只需要——顺着节拍走

深夜想不通的读者——

如果你已经好几个月都是这样,那说明你人生正在走到一个"穷"的临界点。

这个时候你最不需要的是"想通"。

你最需要的是——一份让你看清自己人生坐标的地图。

《易经》就是这份地图。

如果你想认真读懂这份地图——不是碎片化的、不是娱乐化的、不是玄学化的——

我这里有一门讲了很多年的课。

七、延伸阅读

�� 入门(3 本)

• 《易经杂说》南怀瑾(华人易经入门首选)

• 《易经的智慧》曾仕强(易经与现代管理)

• 《The I Ching: A Biography》Richard Smith(普林斯顿易经史)

�� 进阶(4 本)

• 《周易今注今译》高亨(专业权威注本)

• 《易经系辞传》· 王弼注(魏晋玄学重要注本)

• 《The Book of Changes》Wilhelm/Baynes 译本(西方标准英译)

• 《周易参同契》魏伯阳(道家易经融合)

�� 学术(3 本)

• 《周易正义》孔颖达(唐代权威注疏)

• 《易学史》朱伯崑(易经学术源流四卷本)

• 《I Ching and the Genetic Code》Martin Schönberger(易经与基因密码跨学科研究)

 
 
 

留言


bottom of page